A difficult day.

I hate it when I mess up Levi's naps.

It was all my fault. I didn't feed him enough. I left him with my husband who wasn't feeling very well and he didn't know Levi's schedule and didn't feed him enough and laid him down for a nap too early (any mom knows the consequences of laying a child down for a nap too early: they don't sleep long enough!) and then when I came home he had a terrible diaper rash (should not have put him in his cloth diapers, should have kept slathering on the nystatin and desitin).

Twice I tried to lay him down later that afternoon. Twice I failed.

I am so tired. I'm tired of dealing with a whiny, fussy little boy, I'm tired from all the other stuff in life that is stressing me out, I'm tired of the rain, tired of having to plan and fix dinner, I want to go to the prayer meeting tonight, but Levi for sure won't last...

It's me, it's me, it's me O Lord, standing in the need of prayer.

I feel like I'm hanging by a thread sometimes. The schedule is off and I'm annoyed at everyone. I'm discouraged from some interactions with other believers today... believers? I hate it when that happens. How does that happen? I want to be renewed.

I am weary.

Please help me Lord, I know that You can give me the strength. I know that Your will is perfect, and if that is to stay home with my little boy, then that's okay.

Jesus, I am in your hands. My family is in your hands. Help me to have an eternal perspective.

A change in direction

I have wondered if I should shut this blog down since I'm mainly focused on my other one... But I kind of feel like I could just turn this one away from stories about me trying to do early potty training into just a blog about my little boy and mothering and stuff like that.

I think I will. I will probably include poop stories and things like that, but they will be less of a focus.

The changes in Levi's personality have been really interesting. I want to always be a student of my children and allow them to change. I don't want to pigeonhole my kids. I feel like sometimes I was pigeonholed into a certain role in my family. I think I went through changes in my life, I see how my siblings went through changes and I feel like my parents didn't adjust to them.

Okay, so I thought Levi was going to be really gregarious and outgoing. When he was 8-12 months he would go up to anyone, he was always smiling, always liked to be around people. He would always wave goodbye, etc. Well, now he will not go to anyone. He is so shy toward others and possessive of me or Ben or his grandparents, it's kind of embarrassing. He doesn't wave bye bye anymore, just sort stares blankly at them. People try and try to get him to smile. He will smile after a while, but it will be a hard-earned smile.

He's totally fun with me and Ben and people he knows. He likes to laugh and play, but outsiders wouldn't think so. He occasionally flirts with people at the grocery store or someplace when we are out and about, but it seems like it's just a random thing. I'm hoping this is all just a phase. The doctor said he would be shy and that I need to keep working on getting him out. So that's what I'm trying to do, but it feels like forever right now.

Words he can say: dada and mama. "poon" for spoon. shoes. "nana" for banana.

Whoops, gotta go, Levi is awake :)