Friday, January 27, 2012

I used to judge people who said things like, "My child is getting on my last nerve." or "My child is driving me crazy." I thought they must be horrible parents, they can't stand their child. How could you not love them? How could you say something like that about them?

Today I was one of those parents. Two year olds are a new level. Babies are one thing, but two year olds... two year olds are smart.

Today Levi peed into our game cabinet. I don't think he messed up much, but I was nursing Aria and it was just one more thing. I know Levi can be potty trained, I know he knows... it's just a matter of him actually wanting to do it. It's also a matter of me having the time/attention/energy to work with him on it. Those things haven't seemed to line up yet. I feel like the little potty is sitting there and mocking me. I'm exactly where I did not want to be two years ago when I started EC'ing.

I'm also really emotional. Something about having a baby come out of your body, all those hormones are looking for a place to land... I think I'm still in the fragile stage. Also, Aria has started to cry more. I think she's struggling with gas right now. Then she gets over tired and just wants to nurse and nurse and then cries and cries. I can't swaddle her because of her brace. Honestly, the brace isn't that bad, but I do feel like it just gets in the way sometimes and doesn't allow me to cuddle with her the way I want to. It's a small sacrifice I guess.

Today we were all crying at some point.

God is gracious in that He provides naps. I slept for two hours. This is good because the longest stretch I slept for last night was three hours and aside from that there was lots of waking up and crying and gas and struggling. It was a rough night last night. This makes for a frazzled mom who is not prepared to deal with a two year old.

Sometimes you just feel like you are terrible at parenting.

Lord, You created all of this. You knew how my kids would be spaced, You knew my days before I did. Help me to love my son. Help me not to get frustrated with him. Jesus, I am in complete need of You and Your mercy in my life. Thank You that because of Your blood I don't have to be perfect, I would be so ... lost, up a creek, done for without Your blood to cover my sins. Thank You for having grace for me, compassion on me. Help me to extend that same grace to my son.

I am weak, but He is strong.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Conventional Potty Training part 2

So, we are still going at the potty training thing. I'm not expecting it to be a one day we wake up and start going on the potty type of thing. He is getting better for sure. Today he was not falling asleep for his nap so after about 30 minutes of him in there talking and playing and jumping around I came in to see if I could calm him down. He immediately said "potty" and so I went and got his little potty, took off his diaper and he immediately peed. He stopped and so I had him pee some more. I have decided that I'm only going to give him one M&M per potty "session" (he usually pees about 2-3 times per session). The other night I gave him three M&M's and he woke up three times that night. Not cool.

Right now he seems to be refusing to nap. I think it's partially the rash he has on his leg (something on his inner thigh we found last night, it looked pretty painful), partially the teething he has been doing, partially the M&M I gave him before he went to sleep, partially the juice he had with his lunch... Sometimes I feel like an idiot mom because I get things wrong a lot. I laid him down too late yesterday, so today I laid him down super early, I think both times backfired on me. Times when I'm like, why do I give him M&M's, I should probably give him something without caffeine in it if we are going to potty train before bed. I yell at myself in my head a lot.

Being almost 32 weeks pregnant I have found that I am also VERY tired. Today I fell asleep on the couch while reading to Levi, I have totally been dragging everywhere I go. Tasks often feel mammoth to me. So this afternoon when Levi told me he had to go poopoo I decided I would get him his book and he could read while sitting on the potty. (Again, this was postponing nap time, I didn't care at that point) so while I was waiting for him to go I laid down on the floor next to him and fell asleep. I'm the pregnant, narcoleptic, potty-training mom. Thankfully he didn't get up until he peed. The next thing I knew he was standing there saying "oooh, oooh, potty?" and holding the insert to his little potty. I immediately snapped out of dream world and helped him carry his three drops of pee to the toilet. At that point I didn't care if he had to go poopoo, he was going to put on a diaper and go to bed.

You know you are pregnant and potty training an almost two year old when you fall asleep while he is on the potty.

Lord, help me.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Conventional Potty Training

Okay, so I just had to update this thing.

I've been toying with potty training for a while, doing sort of a part-time thing, getting warmed up to the potty, we have had the M&M's on the bathroom counter for several weeks, I kept telling Levi that if he pooped or peed in the potty that he would get one. Whenever I told him about this all he heard was that he would get M&M's. I think he totally missed the pottying thing.

Well, we have had some breakthroughs the past couple of days. He has definitely shown me that he can, in fact, hold it. I've seen him stop his pee mid stream and then a few minutes later pee on the carpet, so, yes, he has control. A few times I have put him on the potty and we got lucky where he peed. I think this started to re-enforce the idea that if he goes on the potty he will get an M&M. Or should I say "emems" as he calls them.

Every child is different, each of us are created in our own unique, special way. Levi likes his privacy. Yes, he will run around the house naked and laugh, that's not a problem, but he does not like to do his business in front of other people. Specifically me. So I have been setting him up with a book on the potty and I tell him to sit and wait here until I come back. I leave for a few minutes and he is usually standing up and pointing to the potty by then saying "oh, oh" or "potty?" And sure enough, there will be tee tees in the toilet. So, we make a big deal and say "yaaaay" and dump it into the big toilet, wash it out, flush the toilet and get an "emem" we talk about what color the emem is and how he did such a good job by peeing in the potty.

This morning I left him to do his business and I was in the next room when I heard him say "poo poo!" (you have to understand at this point, he hasn't pooped in the potty since we EC'd forever ago, and he definitely doesn't remember that. I wasn't sure if he would be okay with going poop on the potty because some kids are nervous and prefer to go in their diaper, so this was completely unexpected.) Sure enough, I came in and found his poop. We were so excited and got the wipes and wiped off and then dumped it and flushed it and he got TWO emems. It was a good day.

Now, this potty training thing might look like a breeze for me right? Maybe you are a young mom and it looks impossible. Well, this is my problem I am running into. He has so much control that he will go a little bit, get me and we will celebrate and get our emem and everything's great. But then he will want to go again. Okay, you can try again now. And then he goes again. Hm, okay, you still get the emem... but then he wants to go again, and then he pees a third time. Each time it's a little less... but I'm starting to see a little manipulation here... how do I get him to empty his full bladder so that he's not stopping himself six times while going to the bathroom just so he can get more "emems" ?

One thing I do know, I have a very smart and crafty little boy.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Is Levi taking a cold bath right now? Yes he is. The hot water made his "ouchy" hurt. So, I emptied half of the hot water and replaced it with cold water. And he's perfectly happy. Splashing, smiling, pouring water in and out of his boat, wanting to throw water across the bathroom. I just stand by and keep watch. I also keep watch for poop. He has pooped ... I think it's been 5 times today. I'm not sure if it's diarrea or if it's just teething. He's never pooped in the bathtub before, but that doesn't mean anything to me now, I'm always on the lookout, you can't let your guard down.

I think what we've been experiencing lately has just been teething. Hopefully not the terrible twos. I was just hoping that as I was starting the bath today. He has been so demanding this past week, so angry when he didn't get his way. We have had loud screams, hitting, throwing objects, kicking and just direct disobedience. Jesus, please help me. Please please help me.

It's difficult because you want to give them what they want. You want them to be satisfied, you want their needs to be met, that's your job as the mom. But when they are demanding and disobedient, when they complain and don't get their way... that's when you have to put your foot down. I realized today as I was emptying the bath halfway for the cold water that this is a war that goes on inside of me. The child needs a certain thing and you have to decide if it's worth it, if it is good for them, is there a good reason for this thing? And then you either tell them "yes, we can do that, let me serve you." or you can tell them, "no, that is not necessary" or "no, that is bad for you." This is the constant state of parenting. If i give in this one time I am at risk for having to give in forever. If I told him "no" for this earlier I need to follow through and discipline him. How do I discipline? Do I spank for this thing or just pull him aside and tell him "no"? Do I take that thing away?

Lately Levi has been spitting out his food. He takes a bite, chew it up and then if it is too much or he doesn't like the taste, he just spits it up. I tell him no when he spits it out, but this doesn't seem to make a difference. I have taken away the item of food or the drink that he is spitting out... so frustrating.

Yeah, so those are the things we have been dealing with lately.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Potty Training... at 20 months

Well, we are doing potty training little by little. I have heard many people say either do it or don't do it, you will confuse the child... all that stuff. I'm ignoring advice right now. :) As usual.

It's not full our potty training because Levi can't talk all the way. He knows what the potty is. He knows what going tee tee is, I think he knows what poop is too. He knows he doesn't like diapers. But, I'm not sure he likes training pants that much either. I wouldn't like them, they are Walmart and the elastic seems too tight and rough on his skin... Might need to go shopping for some softer version.

So, I put him on the potty after he wakes up usually, he hasn't pooped on it yet, but he has peed a couple of times and he receives lots of praise when he does. Then he gets to help dump it into the big toilet and flush it. He usually tells it "bye bye" ... which is adorable if you could just hear it in his sweet little voice.

Last night I put him on the potty for a little while. I don't ask him if he has to pee as much, I just say, "Now we're going to sit on the potty." Because usually he replies "no" to any question at all. It's his default. Also, I've heard some kids just don't want to stop doing what they are doing so they just hold it in. I want him to know that he HAS to sit on the potty sometimes and at least try. This is what we do, this is part of being a human being. So he sat on it for about a minute or two, played in the shower curtain, tried to get up and play in the bathtub, we talked about how when you have to go poo poo you have to push it out, we talked about going tee tee. Finally, there was nothing so I said, "Okay, I guess you don't have to go" and I let him go.  Of course then I was lazy and didn't put a diaper on him. I like to let him run free sometimes because I feel like it's good for his skin. He loves it too :).  Of course about ten minutes later I caught him peeing on the carpet. I don't think it was on purpose, it just sort of surprised him. He looked at me worried and I said, "whoops! We don't tee tee on the carpet, we go on the potty." So I took him to the potty and he didn't have to go anymore. Then I cleaned it up and we talked about how if he needs to go he can tell mommy and I will take him to the potty.

I never get angry at him or spank him for going on the floor. I don't stress out if he's not going on the potty. It's all just a trying game. We talk about everything. We talk about how we won't have to weary yucky diapers if he will go tee tee on the potty and how we will get to wear big boy pants like daddy when he stops going in his diapers. (He wants to be like daddy SOOO badly and it's adorable).

Yep, so that's my story.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Learning things about Levi

I was going to post something that Levi did on Facebook, but then I realized that it would be too long. Then I remembered I have this blog :)

Some things he's been doing:

Today he used a level (the tool you use to make sure something you're hanging is level) as a push toy. He was just pushing it around the house, back and forth. He likes to push things, especially long things. Brooms are a favorite as well as mops, rakes, long sticks in the front yard...The other day he was pushing a paint roller around (minus the sponge thingy) I don't know what is so fascinating about that stuff, but it is to him.

I am realizing more and more that he needs physical touch. I will be trying to cook dinner or just get ready and rushing through... and he is at my heels crying for me to pick him up. Sometimes I just have to go sit on the couch with him and just hold him. He loves to be roughed around and tickled. It's like it just satisfies him or something. After we hang out for 5-10 minutes he seems to be fine. He just was needing to be touched, played with, loved on.

An annoying thing lately is just the fact that he poops a ton. He eats a ton and therefore of course poops a ton. Maybe like 4-5 times a day. An irritating facet to this is that I'm rotating cloth and disposable diapers so that I can use a rash cream for his rash we are fighting. It seems that he likes to poop the most in his cloth diapers. Are you kidding me?! Not only do I have to wipe and clean it all up but I have to go rinse them in the toilet too. That would be why I would want to potty train early. I put him on the potty every once in a while, I ask him if he's going poopoo when I can see him grunting. He doesn't really care. He hates having his diaper changed so I try to explain to him we won't have to do this if he will learn to go poop and pee on the potty. He doesn't understand yet. I'm not pushing anything or worrying about anything, I'm just going to keep my eyes open to when he will be ready.

There's my update! Hope y'all enjoy

Thursday, April 21, 2011

A difficult day.

I hate it when I mess up Levi's naps.

It was all my fault. I didn't feed him enough. I left him with my husband who wasn't feeling very well and he didn't know Levi's schedule and didn't feed him enough and laid him down for a nap too early (any mom knows the consequences of laying a child down for a nap too early: they don't sleep long enough!) and then when I came home he had a terrible diaper rash (should not have put him in his cloth diapers, should have kept slathering on the nystatin and desitin).

Twice I tried to lay him down later that afternoon. Twice I failed.

I am so tired. I'm tired of dealing with a whiny, fussy little boy, I'm tired from all the other stuff in life that is stressing me out, I'm tired of the rain, tired of having to plan and fix dinner, I want to go to the prayer meeting tonight, but Levi for sure won't last...

It's me, it's me, it's me O Lord, standing in the need of prayer.

I feel like I'm hanging by a thread sometimes. The schedule is off and I'm annoyed at everyone. I'm discouraged from some interactions with other believers today... believers? I hate it when that happens. How does that happen? I want to be renewed.

I am weary.

Please help me Lord, I know that You can give me the strength. I know that Your will is perfect, and if that is to stay home with my little boy, then that's okay.

Jesus, I am in your hands. My family is in your hands. Help me to have an eternal perspective.