I love being able to take care of Levi. Sometimes I don't love it, but overall, it's pretty amazing.

Watching him grow and change feels like such a forever long process. I know it won't seem that way looking back, but I don't know that I can change those feelings right now.

ECing has been difficult lately. Last week I had several completely unsuccessful days. It seemed nothing landed in the potty, no pee, no nothing. But I don't see any reason for giving up. What, should I stop putting him on the potty altogether? I still have time, I am still able to. I am leaving him on the floor without a diaper now, we are working on a rash he has had for quite some time that doesn't seem to want to go away no matter how much lotramin I put on it. So maybe air will work.

He was doing so good a few weeks ago, I think I just need to step back and restore the bonds of communication. I need to think about his bodily rhythms and what he has been doing lately. What time has he been pooping? How often has he been peeing?

He's been waking up in the night again. I'm not sure if it's to nurse or because he is still teething. I nurse him in my barely conscious state and put him back to bed. Last night he woke up at 1 and at 4:45... I didn't change him at 1 but felt guilty about it at 4:45, what if he had pooped in his diaper earlier in the night and I made him sleep in it? What if he just wanted to be changed? In the middle of nursing I started stripping off his diaper. It was only wet and I felt a lot better. So I nursed him, put him on the potty and he didn't go, he must've gone right when he woke up. I put him back to bed. The plus side was that I got to spend more of the morning with just me and Ben because Levi then didn't wake up until about 8:30. It was nice, except Ben didn't get to see him that morning. I wonder how often that will be the case, that Ben won't get to see him in the mornings?

Well, that's my update for now. Still on the journey, still learning about my beautiful little boy and loving all of it.