Okay, so here's my confession: Levi hasn't pooped in his potty since I don't know when. Maybe since Memorial Day. He hasn't pooped much in general, but each time it was a total surprise and I didn't have time to put him on his potty or he had just woken up from a nap and didn't tell me, etc. He hasn't had many pees either. That I can remember, I think I've caught maybe one or two in the past two days.
I was thinking about this as I was changing him today, thinking, well, I'm gonna have to tell everyone that I haven't been doing very well. But the real truth is that he has been sick, which always throws everything off, and he still has eczema on pretty bad. It's red and bumpy from about his belly button all the way down to his hips. He tries to scratch it and tends to be pretty fussy when it flairs up. Since his blood test showed up negative for allergies I didn't know what to do. So today I thought, "Why have I not been detective and determined about this thing to figure out why he still has this rash?" I guess I just thought it would eventually go away. He's not allergic to anything, therefore, he'll be fine. Levi is not fine. He doesn't look fine, life is no fun right now because of this stupid, itchy rash. So I called the Dr.'s office and talked to a nurse and I described the situation and she said we just needed to come in. So we are going to the Dr. tomorrow morning. I'm praying we get things figured out.
On another note, just a note about motherhood and this new place in life that I have found myself in. How often I compare myself to others. How often I question my abilities, I question my mothering especially... so many times I feel like I am just frittering my day away, it's just minutes ticking by and I don't like the silence so I listen to podcasts or watch a few webisodes (I love watching the Duggars, so inspirational for being a good mommy) ... but then I come to the end of the day and realize I haven't had any real conversations with anyone. I realize I have been listening to people talk all day. I have been checking my face book or my blog or my email to see if I can have contact with the outside world. Maybe someone would text me or call me. Sometimes I feel like I'm desperate for human contact and then other times I want to avoid it because I am tired and don't want to have to actually formulate words and conversation. I know that sounds weird.
I'm beginning to think that isolation is a definite struggle for the stay at home mom. How do we keep ourselves from being isolated? Especially when our little one takes two to three naps a day and we want them to be good, solid naps so they won't be fussy and cranky? I want to have meaningful relationships, but sometimes I feel like I'm trying too hard or I want it too badly.
I wish I lived in community better.